just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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