It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
