my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
