I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
