So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
