Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I AM VODKA MAN
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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