my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
