You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
