I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You made out with two different species that night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
