he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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