dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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