Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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