Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
