I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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