I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
