She's JV to your varsity
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
