and you said cock pushups were impossible
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
