please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
