Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
