while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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