420 ftw
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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