True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
