just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
