I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
