Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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