If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
