he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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