need another drink. this is the easiest way
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
