so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
