chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
