So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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