You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
