When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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