trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
