She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
