Ambien. No doubt about it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
