Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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