I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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