somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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