...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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