I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
