you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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