my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
