Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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