do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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