You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
