Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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