We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
