WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
