New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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