well I can't set my house on fire every night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
