My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
