no, he came in my armpit
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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