At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
