I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
