it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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