i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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